I don't know what the weather is like where you live, but here it's rather warm. I am afraid that I am not one of those sun worshipping sorts, and up to a couple of years ago, it was firmly believed that I was a vampire, never stepping forth in bright sunlight, hugging
the shadows, etc.

The only good thing about this sort of day is that it's that time of year, and good weather and Wimbledon hopefully go hand in racket, if you see what I mean.

Hmmm.... come to think of it, the only thing I seem to be doing these days it watching balls whiz about on the television. One of these days I shall have to get motivated and give it a go, only, not today,

it's to darn hot, probably be hot tomorrow to, and the next day. Oh well, I'll have to enjoy the next best thing then, if only I can be bothered to reach for the remote control.

The Horror Scope is divided rather neatly up into twelve sections, January through to December, and you will be able to tell which section you fall under by looking to the day you joined h2g2.

For those of you with limited understanding, I will explain further. If you joined h2g2 on the 25^th April 2001, then your section will be April and you can read your future under that section heading.

JANUARY

The Tarot Cards reveal that you will invent a new mode of transport this weekend, they also show that you will come into a great fortune and be pronounced Supreme Leader of the planet Earth. They also show that they enjoy a joke as much as the rest of us.


FEBRUARY

A worried farmer will come to your door on Saturday; he will be easily recognised as he will be wearing green wellies and have a small sheep under his arm. He will have words with you about something you did on Friday night after drinking quite a lot of alcohol.


MARCH

Be generous in mind and spirit this week, give to the needy and look after those who can't look after themselves. You will feel much better for being the Good Samaritan, and people around you will regard you more highly.


APRIL

A large cream cake will undo all your good work this week, the temptation will be to great, not that I blame you. I wish that I had a large cream cake right now, hmmm.... puff pastry, icing with those wavy lines on the top, full of cream, I can almost taste it...

Oh my, sorry, my mind ran away with me then...


MAY

A large pink pig and a small yellow duck will cross your path sometime soon, it is a sign of good things to come.


JUNE

The Shaman of my local village came to me with a vision he had when he fell asleep sitting on the outside toilet late one night. He told me of wonderful things in your future, and a life filled with everything you could ever wish for. He also told be that Belgium would beat Brazil, so I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for the good things to happen if I was you.


JULY

The Mists parted in the Crystal Ball to reveal that it is time to plan a holiday, you have been working very hard of late and deserve some time to rest and relax. Try working on your tan for a while, go out with some friends and enjoy yourself.


AUGUST

You have been having nightmares just recently; you keep waking up scared of the monsters in the cupboard. Have no fear, there's no such thing, it’s the burglars who come in through the windows that you should be worried about!!!!


SEPTEMBER

Early on Friday you are going to be feeling great anxiety, but as the day progresses it will pass and you will realise that it is silly to get over excited about things you have no control over.

The Dregs at the bottom of the Coffee Cup reveal that something very special will happen today.


OCTOBER

A fourteen foot Boa Constrictor will accidentally be let lose in your home today, it will escape from a parcel that was delivered to your door by a strange man in a long overcoat. This brings to mind the saying, 'Be wary of strangers bearing gifts.' or is it, 'Don't look a gift snake in the mouth.'


NOVEMBER

You have noticed strange things happening to your body over the past few days, hair growing where it shouldn't, sticky substances emerging at the wrong moment. You have been going up the wall with worry, literally!!!

I know things are not making sense at the moment, but in time you will realise that with great power comes great responsibility, never forget that, and everything should be fine.


DECEMBER

A large cometary body of unknown origin can be seen entering Uranus at great speed, a startling sight to be sure. Try to keep a stiff upper lip about the unfolding events and remain calm at all times.

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